Thursday Night Diary: Kinda Weird Edition

So I decided to attempt to do a diary of last Thursday night.  This is the result, with annotations to try to explain what the hell actually happened.  I apologize for the short length of the entries from that night, but typing about what your doing on a cellphone while you’re out drinking for your blog seems progressively dumber by the minute while it’s happening.  Hence the annotations.

6:42 pm: Standard pregame of Nazi Zombies, absinthe and beer.  Family size box of mac and cheese not sitting well.

So I brought back a bottle of absinthe from Italy like every American college kid to visit Europe ever, and decided since last week was one of the last Thursdays in college for a lot of my friends, we might as well go out with a bang.  Throw in some beers and some Nazi Zombies, and suddenly you’re having yourself a real nice little night.  Who knows, maybe we’ll even hang out with some girls tonight?  As for the family size box of mac and cheese, I have no excuse for that.  

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I’ll Take You Right Into the Dangerzoneeeee

Well after a horrendous week full of pretending to not be a lazy degenerate, the weekend is finally here.  Praise Allah, because if I had to give one more goddamn powerpoint presentation I was gonna snap and permanently move into the mountains and just live out my life stockpiling weapons and food for the zombie apocalypse.

Anyways, this may be entirely too ambitious, but I’m going to attempt to keep a running diary tonight of a standard Thursday night adventure into R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station, right here in College Park, MD.  Of course the odds of this succeeding are about as high as De Moss getting into medical school, but for the sake of literature and science, dammit I’m giving it a shot.  Rev up the engines and lets gooooo…..

Getting McGangbanged

Pretty much every fast food chain has its own “secret menu”. Some items the gracious workers will prepare for you, but sometimes your request is just too immoral for their minimum wage souls to handle.  Requests such as…the McGangbang.

The McGangbang has become sort of an internet phenomenon in the last few years.  Many blogs have featured this beast, and as soon as I heard about it, I had to try it.  For those of you without high blood pressure, a McGangbang consists of The McChicken sandwich combined with a double-cheeseburger from McDonald’s.  As both of these items are on the dollar menu, this is a perfect way to satiate your need to not reach your 60th birthday while also being frugal.

Yeah we got Mcnuggets too. Dammit.


As I said before, the McDonald’s employees will refuse to put this all together for you, at least in College Park, MD.  No worries, luckily I’m basically college educated/a man so assembling a sandwich is almost as natural as playing sports and driving for me.  Now other people sometimes leave all four pieces of bread on this bad boy, but in the interest of cutting carbs, I took the McChicken’s top bun off.  Then I threw on some fries and smothered on some sweet and sour sauce.  Yeah, whatever.  The result was this bad boy:



At first bite, you are sort of overwhelmed.  So many flavors hit you at once, it’s hard to tell exactly what you’re eating.  Sort of like if you threw a few types of meat into a blender, thats about all I can say about the taste.  I can compare it to combining different Starburst flavors together, if Starburst were made of over-processed meat and carbs.

Perhaps the best way to describe the McGangbang, though, is from

“It’s kind of like having a threesome with two ugly chicks. While it’s happening you’re stoked, because hey threesome!!! But once you’re finished it kinda sinks in about what you’ve done.”

The agony you will feel in your stomach cannot be accurately described in words.  If you’re a guy, it’s about equal to getting kicked in the nuts with a steel-toed boot.  For the ladies. it’s like getting roundhouse-kicked in your throat.  Is it worth it?  Yeah sure, why not.  Just be sure you’re near a bathroom afterwards.