Fat Dump of the Week: Eddy Curry


Pictured: A Professional Athlete
via athletetattoodatabase


Eddy Curry.  Eddy FUCKING Curry.  The name alone should send Knicks fans to the nearest Home Depot to buy the sharpest saw imaginable and immediately saw off their kneecaps.  What is it that the Bockers need right now the most?  (besides James Dolan getting an incurable disease)  Another big man to come off the bench to help out my man Ama’re.  6’11 center who has the potential to put up 20 and 10 on a nightly basis?  Sign me up.  Oh wait a minute…Eddy Curry is a fat piece of lazy shit who doesn’t care about anything besides his half time hot pockets.


As hoopshype points out in this incredibly depressing article, Eddy “Can I get BigMac sauce on my McChicken” Curry has been paid $50 mil since 2006 by the Knicks, while playing only 74 minutes since 2008.  It’s 2011.  Are you shitting me?    That means that toad has made $405,000 per minute played the last 3 years.  Or in Eddy’s mind, 67,500 large Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese value meals.

How did he get so fat you ask?  Simple.  While guys like Danillo Gallinari and Wilson Chandler were working out and generally not being sinkholes of saturated fat in the off-season, Big Eddy was going to the Atlantis Resort, swimming with dolphins an’ shit.



No that is not a doctored photo, thats my man BNiebs with fat Eddy a couple years ago, wet suit and all.  That big idiot with the cornrows was paid over $10 million for the year this picture was taken.  Process that for a second.

All in all, you do have to have some respect for the guy, though.  Dude has made close to $100 million in his lifetime, while mainly leading the league in most $5 $5 $5 deals converted and blocked arteries.  The complete lack of pride certainly needs to be acknowledged as well, as only the most pathetic of fat dumps could really just give up on the fame and glory a professional sports career promises, all in the name of Burger King.  Ironically, Curry will still be doing a lot of shooting for many years to come, though mostly in the form of insulin rather than jump shots.  Enjoy it fucker, you deserve it.